1. |
Repetition
03:01
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I've spent so many nights this month
Thinking of who will remember me
Telling myself, someone will think of me
But i'm still convinced these are the best days of my life
I've used so much time in my week
Taking up drinking so heavily
Bringing up old forgotten memories
But somehow, I'm convinced that I don't want to die
So here's round two of telling myself it will get better
I can't live this way
I'm just looking for something real to believe
But when I'm alone there just no way for me
You swear that I can never feel your pain
You obsessively push to convince me
That I can never feel the same
But I've been there before
I've gotten used to feeling tired and sore
I've watched the world around me
Collapse to the floor
So trust me, kid
I feel the same pain that you did
Trust me, kid
I feel your pain
So I'll go on wasting my days and my nights
And I'll continue doing whatever I deem is right
And I'll look back on these regrets
Pushing to forget
All the pain that I have given
Too much time to set
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2. |
In The Open
04:04
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I haven't tried
Being such a wreck
I haven't left
The way I felt so out in the open for everyone to see
And every day this week
Is like a storm that hasn't broke
A sea with no ripples
An artist without a brush
Who tried to paint an empty canvas
And all I seek is to feel the way I did three months ago
Where does the comforter go for comfort?
Why does my mind let itself wander so far out
If there is one thing
I've learned from all of this
(It has to be)
That my hopes can become all I have
That my dreams
are the only thing in this world that I still control
And I'll be damned
if I'll let anyone or anything
Take that away from me
I miss the golden days
When it seemed like the palm of my hand
Held everything I needed
When it was me being the help
Not needing it
I miss the stupid days
When everyone I loved
Never stayed away
I would see them
Not only in my thoughts
But in my life
Making all these days
A little something special
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3. |
Weeks
04:32
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I don't battle with depression
Unless you count at 2 AM
I think it's fairly obvious
My mindset's always different then
And I have a confession
About who I've become
I've realized it's war that matters
Not the battles that I've won
Weeks pass by without a single change
I've conceived the thought that things won't go my way
Instead of feeling happy I came to realize
My mind is stuck on the bags under my eyes
It's another omission
Something I keep from all my friends
I feel brokenhearted
All the time but I know
It's just in my head
Sometimes I'm too pretentious
And I know that I'm alone because of it
I've chosen to alienate everyone
How can I expect to fix the man in the mirror
If I can't even pull my chin up enough to look at myself
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4. |
Knots
02:54
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It doesn't take much to push me downhill
The thoughts are constant,
the jealousy is honest
and the pain is real
I never have a reason to feel this way
Except when I'm scared of losing you to my own flaws,
I am simply afraid
If I can't save me, just tell me who will
I've depended on others without end
Its been years since I walked on my own
Stuck because good days start with my own steps
I struggle to stay awake just to express every surmise
It never goes how I plan with incomplete verses and lines
Much like my pensive life
I leave words unsaid and in my head
Tying knots in my own mind, made of thoughts and never untied
The way the rain falls down without a say
I can't help but think about my day to day
It's reflex how I sink into despair
But I know that it will all clear
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5. |
Remedy
04:01
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I'm not down for the count just yet
My feet may be dragging
My shoulders may be breaking
I'm trying hard to forget
My life is wavering
My mind is aching
Apologies lose touch over time
I'm trying to help myself through this lie
My unwary life begins to dry
My exhausted mind has no light
To whom do i owe the pleasure
for this constant reminder of what I've done
I've given away everything i thought defined me
I'm sick of hurting everyone
This isn't what i wanted
I can't live this way
I'll prove to myself
that even I can change
Time isn't helping in this stage
I can't keep these thoughts at bay
I need to find something
My personal remedy
Though time is overwhelming
I can't give in to these lies
They speak to me too clearly
But they know that i despise
every ill conceived notion
to bring me farther down
than the last time
Over and over
An inconsistent hope
Made broken
And i've been piecing it back together
I now know that the pleasure is all mine
But i will work for it and take the time
I'll be better just you wait and see
I want hope, I want you
To believe in me
I'm sorry
I don't mean to worry
I'm pushing
to pick up where I left off
I'm still fighting
Told myself i won't give up
I'll keep trying
to be better than i was
If it means
Anything to you
I'm trying
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6. |
Counting
02:49
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I'm counting the hours on one hand since the last time you raced through my head
I was fine for so long
I'm drunk and alone in my backyard
Staring at the moon
Whispering quietly a conversation I thought we'd have sometime soon
Have you ever stayed up too late and wondered whether you'll be missed
I'll give you as many words as you want if you give me just one in return
I don't have what you want me to give you
I'm sick of being a disappointment
You know you can count on
It hard to think you're having such an easy time without me
I'm convincing myself I'm not this pathetic
Perhaps this is as good as it gets
I'm catching myself
Maybe I won't fall too far this time around
I'm counting the days in my head now
Since the last time that I thought of you
I was fine for so long
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7. |
Closure
03:56
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I've written this down
A million times before
I've screamed your name out
In front of people who don't even know who you are
I've taken advice
From more minds than I'm willing to announce
There's still memories of you in everywhere I've been
It's taken the better part of two years
To come to where I am today
You think I'd be fine
But damnit the pain always finds a way
So I'm stuck with the same
Broken record mindset
A monotonous sound that
Never gives me any rest
And now I'm broken down
There's nothing left for me to figure
out
And now I'm tearing down
These walls I've built around myself
I'm done with you
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8. |
Brighter Pt. 2
01:58
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I've worked too hard
To give up now
I don't believe
What my mind tends to think about
It's under control
All these racing thoughts
But it takes a toll
All my strength seems lost
Hope may seem bleak
But the end looks lighter
Tell myself again
My days will get brighter
I won't give up on myself
Sometimes I wonder why I bother
But I'll push myself harder than any other
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9. |
Settling
04:38
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Sometimes I just get up slow
But more often, there's nowhere to go
I try my best, I swear to you I do
But I'm so use to just being abused
So I wait for something to change
But I keep failing at everything I aim for
I won't be just another disappointment
I won't make my mother cry anymore
I've been searching for something real to believe
I'm just too afraid to start anything
I've given myself
So many damn excuses
But I know that I was meant for more
This stupid world has got me
Running in circles
I know I have
Too much to live for
I'm not waiting anymore for change
No more failing
I'm going to win today
I'll finish for you
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10. |
Letters
05:05
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I won't sing the same old lines about love
I won't use all of your time, so just hear me out
There's been a few things I've wanted to tell you
Our time spent apart wasn't only hell for you
Twenty years can fade away
I'd still be willing to stay
I've fucked before so believe me when I tell you
I knew what i had when you were gone
I apologize for taking so long
Don't give me another excuse
For the way I behave
I know you've got better things to do
Than sit here with me on the floors all day
You've done nothing to
Deserve to be with a shitty guy like me
But I'll still thank you for
The patience you've given me
I don't have much
But what I have you can call your own
I know I'm just a fucking mutt
You gave me something to hold onto
And I won't let go
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11. |
Silver Linings
03:42
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I've grown sick of the long drives alone in my car
And hoping the good days weren't very far away
Everything I've learned in the past few years
Well hopefully, it all pays off today
Last time I talked to my dad he said
He was so proud of me
I remember feeling down until I made
My mom laugh last week
I know its normally my job
To tell you everything's fucked up
But not today,
I'm feeling great
Finally, I've found
A silver lining in this town
So I'll make the best of it
I'll take what I can get
I'm doing better today
I stay worried all morning
Until i look out
And realize,
I can't find a single cloud
I tell myself that I am dreaming
I've run out of complaints
Not a single worry
I keep thinking my day will turn bad and soon
I will start drowning
Last night I finally slept and for once
I fell asleep smiling
I woke up today
And watched as
The clouds rolled away
Last night I finally slept
And for once,
I fell asleep smiling
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12. |
Through
02:04
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I will become somebody I know I can believe in
I can't live this way
The tables could stop turning
I'm not alone, I'll find a way for me
And through it all, I'll keep my head held high
No need for goodbye
We'll raise a glass to worry
I'm not alone, I'll find a way for me
So we'll go on
Wasting our days and our nights
And we'll continue doing
Whatever we deem is right
And we'll wipe away the sweat
Forgive because we can't forget
And raise a glass to all the stupid shit
We will never regret
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Scarlett Avenue Poway, California
Poetic pop punk from San Diego. Currently on hiatus.
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